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«В нас преступно вселился страх…»

By Анна Черных • 11.01.2022 • Внимательно к себе
«В нас преступно вселился страх...» | Блог Анны Черных

Впервые опубликовано в инстаграме @ann_chernykh в смутном апреле 2020, когда пандемия дошла и до России.

Всё началось с того, что я стала читать новости. Медуза, РБК и Фонтанка за пару дней заняли квадратики часто посещаемых ресурсов. Это так, просто, чтобы быть в курсе, говорила я.
⠀
Стала получать комментарии к своим бликам на Фонтанке, мол, как не стыдно гулять, дома сиди.
⠀
Последний раз я возвращалась со своей прогулки по Фонтанке по абсолютно вымершим улицам, с грустью осмысляя факт, что наша поездка на дачу собралась. Это было две недели назад, за несколько часов до постановления о том, что с 31 марта у нас тоже режим самоизоляции.⠀
В тот же вечер созрел план побега: вещи, наспех покиданные в икеевские сумки, за 10 минут принятое решение ехать не только с Ташей, но ещё и с моим другом, и вот мы в ночи на двух машинах едем за 110 километров от города, в котором нельзя гулять. Из дома, где оставаться круглосуточно с живым игручим ребёнком над головой сумасшедшей соседки, прямо скажем, небезопасно.
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Мы приехали туда, где бликами по утрам покрывается целое море, это даже из окошка видно. Туда, где сосны, песок, ветер, а о том, что происходит в «большом» мире напоминает только привычка заходить на новостные сайты и подолгу залипать над графиками и статистикой.
⠀
Два дня назад я ездила в город полить цветы и взять побольше тёплых вещей. Постояла в пробке (!) на Литейном, выпила кофе в любимой кофейне, повстречала на улице всех (!) знакомых бабушек округи, подивилась, что цветы мои будто и не заметили долгого отсутствия. И ещё больше подивилась тому, в тюрьме какого старого страха я оказалась в этой спешной эвакуации.
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Покидала в чемодан остро необходимое: пару пуховиков, мягкую черепашку, цветную бумагу, дырокол-сердечко, футболку «Природа мой друг», кокосовое масло, тканевую скатерть и острый нож, закупилась вкусняшками во Вкусвилле и скорей обратно.
⠀
Туда, где ничто не отвлекает от проживания невыносимых и непризнанных когда-то, но чертовски важных теперь чувств одной девчонки, которой нельзя было гулять. И у которой теперь есть выбор.

Ещё по теме:

5 вещей, чем режим самоизоляции напоминает моё детство

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5 вещей, чем режим самоизоляции напоминает моё детство
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