Когда Таша была совсем крошкой, а я начинающим минималистом, мне пророчили, мол, подожди-подожди, вот Таша вырастет, начнутся истерики «купи-купи» в супермаркетах, желание таких же кроссовочек, как у девочки из садика, в магазины с ней вообще невозможно будет зайти, всё будет наваливать в тележку. Посмотрим, что ты тогда скажешь!
Я тогда думала, ну какая проблема, можно же просто не брать ребёнка в магазины, не соблазнять, не провоцировать, да и не будет никаких истерик. Ну и параллельно искала свой, если можно это так назвать, стиль воспитания, какую-то достаточно последовательную позицию.
И вот Таше скоро будет четыре года, я, вопреки собственным ожиданиям, хожу по магазинам в основном с ней, не припомню ни одной истерики возле кассы, и, кажется, нашла подходящий для нас режим «детского потребления».
Меня часто спрашивают обо всяких мамских вещах, так что зафиксирую тут наш опыт, вдруг кому-то и правда окажется полезно.
Интуитивный шопинг
Если интересно, я как-нибудь отдельно могу написать о том, как в Ташиной жизни происходит интуитивное питание, по-моему, это тянет на целый пост. Здесь скажу только, что у нас вообще нет конфликтов на почве еды, никакого принуждения и ограничений, ни в количестве, ни в составе. Таша давно уже ест, когда хочет, что хочет или что интересно. Умеет спросить свой животик, чего ему хочется, и выбрать именно это.
Поэтому интуитивный же подход распространяется и на походы в продуктовые магазины. Раньше Ташка ездила в тележке и её больше увлекало собирать вещи в тележку и выкладывать их на ленту, сейчас она обычно бродит по магазину сама, иногда просит, чтобы мы ходили по отдельности, разными маршрутами. Смотрит, спрашивает, выбирает. Я обычно покупаю всё, что она хочет. Это могут быть, например, помидоры черри, глазированные сырки, молоко-ряженка, капуста всех видов, яркая бутылочка с каким-то соком, интересной формы макароны, одна конфетка, гранат и пара киндер-сюрпризов.
Иногда она проявляет больше интереса к лежащему на полках, иногда меньше. Часто я спрашиваю её, хочет ли она батон или кукурузу, если она говорит «нет», не покупаю.
Киндеры и леденцы — самые бесполезные, на мой взгляд, вещи. Но я не хочу создавать какое-то особое напряжение вокруг них, поэтому просто покупаю наравне со всем остальным. Опыт показывает, что леденцы ей обычно хочется лизнуть пару раз (у нас целая коробка дома таких еле облизанных или вовсе неоткрытых), в киндерах интереснее всего игрушка, шоколад чаще достаётся мне :) а иногда эти киндеры просто неделями лежат в шкафчике с другими сладостями.
Like vs Want
Что касается вещей, тут в силу вступают другие законы. Я стараюсь показать Ташке, чем отличается реакция «Мне очень нравится!» от «Я хочу это иметь». Этот навык и взрослым-то очень помогает, а ребёнку, для которого всё в новинку, интересно и необычно, я считаю, прям необходимым. Выглядит это так:
— (показывает на какую-то косметичку) Мама, смотри какая сумочка! Давай её купим!
— Ух ты, какая симпатичная косметичка! В цветочек! (Альтернативно: Тебе она нравится, да? Мне вот не очень.)
— Давай купим!
— Ташунь, я вижу, что она тебе нравится, но нам же она не нужна. У нас есть похожая сумочка, которую мы берём в путешествия, помнишь? Эта очень симпатичная! Здорово, что ты её заметила.
Такие диалоги у нас происходят почти каждый раз в магазине. Иногда по несколько раз. Таша знает, что если вещь нам не нужна, мы её не купим, что окончательное решение принимаю я. Она скорее хочет побыть со мной в каком-то новом взаимодействии, вокруг какого-то предмета. Если я сразу скажу: «Нет, мы это не купим, пойдём скорее дальше», я как будто отвергну её желание со мной пообщаться или дам понять, что считаю её вкусы, интересы, дела несущественными. А это вызывает много тревоги, которая часто, по-моему, и перерастает в истерики у кассы.
Раньше мне казалось, что поход в большой детский магазин — большой стресс для ребёнка, столько всего притягательного, разноцветного, желанного, всё хочется… И, конечно, мы не ходим в детские магазины часто. Но вот недавно было.
Ташка идёт, и я вижу, что ей неудобно в её ботиночках, уточняю, да, неудобно, тесно ножке. А рядом как раз огромный магазин а-ля детский мир. Пойдём, говорю, посмотрим новые ботиночки. Заходим, вокруг всё это аляповатое разнообразие, а ботиночки разумеется в самой глубине… Идём медленно, чтобы Ташка успела всё разглядеть.
— Мама, смотри самокат как у Дениса из садика! Ого, какая машина, можно я в ней посижу? Мамочка, смотри, это же паровозики из Чаггингтона! Ой, котёнок, потрогай какой мягенький! (обнимает и ластится к нему)…
Зависает у кукольного дома, в зоне с лего, я изредка напоминаю про цель нашего визита, зову ботиночки смотреть.
Наконец дошли, я почти сразу замечаю те единственные, которые я готова ей купить, но не показываю, даю насмотреться на всё многообразие туфелек с блёстками, кожаными цветочками и прочие стразы, и только потом предлагаю померить то, что я присмотрела. Подходит, ура!
Счастливые идём к кассе, покупаем только ботинки и бутылку воды.
Виртуальное обладание
Мне кажется, большая часть проблем с детьми и покупками связана с тем ,что родители внутренне сжимаются каждый раз, когда их ребёнок чего-то хочет. Либо денег на это нет, либо предчувствуют конфликт, либо просто пугаются, что ситуация может выйти из-под контроля. А дети это чувствуют и по-своему отражают.
Когда я иду в магазин с Ташей, я точно отдаю себе отчёт, что это может быть дольше, чем я планирую (я не очень люблю магазины, поэтому мне нужно себя к этому подготовить), но это простая бытовая ситуация, которая не сулит ничего плохого, более того, ещё немного расширяет опыт моего ребёнка, растущего в такое вот время изобилия и перепроизводства.
Классный приём, если диалог про косметичку не срабатывает:
— Я вижу, как она тебе нравится. Мы не будем её покупать, но ты можешь походить с ней по магазину, как будто это твоя сумочка, даже конфет туда навалить :)
В Икее этим и взрослые часто пользуются, наберут, наберут себе всяких милых мелочей, а у кассы выкладывают, потому что первое желание обладания поутихло за те полчаса, что вещь просто пролежала у них в тележке. У детей, по-моему, так же устроено, если их не подгонять и не бояться подробно разговаривать про это желание обладать.
Например, Таша давно хочет велосипед, а я вот думаю, что этим летом она ещё натренируется на беговеле, а следующим — купим ей двухколёсный велосипед уже безо всяких там дополнительных колёсиков. Я рассказываю ей о своём плане, но ей-то хочется уже сейчас велосипед! И я её понимаю:
— Тебе очень хочется велосипед поскорее, да? Будешь крутить педали быстро-быстро, сможешь так далеко уехать, что я тебя и не догоню. А может, я тоже буду на велосипеде, сможем вместе кататься, представляешь? Куда поедем с тобой? Аж в Берлин? Ну, не знаааю, попробуем, конечно, и до Берлина доехать.
Ну и всякие такие разговоры. Они не купируют это желание как что-то невозможное, а наоборот, позволяют мечтать, фантазировать и представлять обладание, что само по себе куда приятнее, чем препирательства, и очень унимает детскую тревогу.
Спонтанность
А вообще я за радость и удовольствие, даже если дело касается покупок, хотя это последнее место, конечно, где мы с Ташей это удовольствие ищем. Минимализм минимализмом, воспитание воспитанием, но вот позавчера Ташка увидела парня в больших таких наушниках, замерла в восторге, а потом говорит:
— Мама, что у него за штуки на ушах такие прекрасные? Я тоже очень хочу с такими ходить.
И я думаю, ну а почему бы и нет?! Мы просто идём и покупаем. Хорошие ярко-оранжевые взрослые наушники. Без уговоров, торгов, уступок, с лёгким сердцем как-то. И вот именно лёгкое сердце вдохновило меня написать об этом всём.
Расскажите тоже! Есть у вас свои правила или лайфхаки про детей и магазины? Что им всегда можно? Как договариваетесь?
Ещё на эту тему:
Насмотренность: верный путь к минимализму (проверено на себе)
Игры и игрушки: 10 принципов мамы-минималистки
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I’ve learned result-oriented things through the blog post. One more thing to I have observed is that in many instances, FSBO sellers will certainly reject people. Remember, they can prefer to not ever use your solutions. But if you maintain a reliable, professional romance, offering guide and being in contact for four to five weeks, you will usually have the capacity to win a discussion. From there, a house listing follows. Cheers
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Thanks for the interesting things you have unveiled in your post. One thing I want to comment on is that FSBO relationships are built over time. By releasing yourself to owners the first end of the week their FSBO is announced, before the masses start calling on Thursday, you make a good network. By sending them equipment, educational supplies, free reports, and forms, you become an ally. If you take a personal desire for them and their scenario, you produce a solid connection that, oftentimes, pays off when the owners opt with a broker they know in addition to trust — preferably you.
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Thanks for your article. One other thing is when you are advertising your property by yourself, one of the concerns you need to be alert to upfront is when to deal with home inspection reports. As a FSBO home owner, the key to successfully shifting your property in addition to saving money in real estate agent profits is expertise. The more you understand, the softer your property sales effort are going to be. One area where this is particularly vital is assessments.
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