«Пусть близость ваша не будет чрезмерной. И пусть ветры небесные пляшут меж вами» — цитата Халиля Джебрана из книжки, которую я сейчас читаю.
Ветры небесные! Именно! Именно к этому я стремлюсь во всех моих значимых отношениях. Именно это я праздную, как подходящее. Когда достаточно пространства для роста, для дыхания, для танца. Достаточное расстояние, что разглядеть друг друга и оглядеться вокруг. Достаточно уединения и тишины.
Ветры небесные в отношениях с семьёй. Ветры небесные в отношениях с друзьями и подругами. Ветры небесные в отношениях с любимым человеком. Ветры небесные в отношениях с Ташей. Ветры небесные в отношениях с собой. В каждых отношениях пляшут они по-разному. Не все связи выдерживают. Иногда нас будто отгибает этими ветрами друг от друга на несколько лет. А с некоторыми редкий попутный ветер даёт встречу на пару часов не каждый год.
С семьёй у меня за последние годы образовалась постоянная комфортная дистанция с возможностью для встреч, нечастых созвонов, когда остаёшься в курсе основных событий друг друга и не ощущаешь постоянного взаимного вмешательства. Именно эта дистанция стала благодатной почвой для особых глубоких и важных разговоров про прошлое. Каким непростым оно было для каждого из нас, а не каким безоблачным хотелось бы его запомнить. С этой дистанции видишь, какая помощь и какое участие нужны и посильны, а не просто околачиваешься рядом в надежде оказаться в нужном месте в нужное время, чтобы проявить себя или рассказать, как другому правильно.
Дружба будто и есть этот ветер! Любая встреча необязательна и спонтанна, мы даже не пытаемся знать друг о друге всё, только нравимся друг другу, верим, любуемся, сопереживаем, празднуем. Чаще всего нет необходимости мгновенно поделиться и получить ответ, не все может быть понято и принято, и это не мешает чувствовать связь в чём-то ценностном, корневом.
Любовные отношения — пространство, где близость бывает такой осязаемой и такой приятной, что проветриванием особенно важно не пренебрегать. Разные друзья и разные интересы, отдельные одеяла и отдельные квартиры, возможность уединяться на непредсказуемо долгое время, договоренность не созваниваться по любому поводу, право свободно проявлять чувства в присутствии друг друга, непринадлежность друг другу, отсутствие каких-либо обещаний, кроме обещания дать знать, когда что-то не нравится и не подходит.
Связь с Ташей казалась самой непростой, пока была совсем зависимой и близкой. Хотя и в первые годы удавалось устроить себе местами профилактический ветерок. Сейчас Таша растёт и потребность в ветре между нами появляется и у неё, разойтись по разным комнатам, уважать пространство друг друга, не брать (и не разрисовывать!) вещи друг друга без спроса, иметь дела, о которых мы не рассказываем, отпускать руки на улице, разжимать объятья, расставаться на несколько дней, строить другие значимые отношения.
А как же с самой собой? Да, с собой сейчас тоже раздолье для ветров небесных! Отъебаться от себя, давать себе право передумать, не заниматься самопринуждением, давать себе время и пространство для осмысления и переключения, для празднования и ничегонеделания, для желаний и отсутствия желаний.
Смотрю на пламя в камине, ярко и свободно пляшущее между трёх полешек и думаю о том, как ветры небесные раздувают огонь подлинной жизни. На просторах.
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