Моей дочери пять с половиной, и она обожает пластыри. Заноза, царапинка, заусенец, невидимый ушиб, какое-то пятнышко — и она сразу идёт к заветной коробочке, чтобы заклеить проблему цветным пластырем с доктором Плюшевой.
Думаю, примерно так же дети поступают с душевными травмами. Нет у нас маленьких возможности разобраться, что на самом деле случилось, из-за чего на самом деле злится мама, зачем эти наказания, какого там соблюдения правил от нас хотят, почему над нами смеются. Нам в этот момент нестерпимо больно, хочется перестать в этой ситуации находиться, заклеить больное место, не обращать на него внимания и верить, что «до свадьбы заживёт».
Нет, пожалуйста, никаких мазей, массажей, лекарств, уколов и хирургических вмешательств. Даже посмотреть не дам. Просто яркий пластырь и забудем.
Когда речь идёт не о царапинах, а о неаккуратном с нами обращении, пластырем может стать идея, что можно просто перестать об этом думать. Или утешительный леденец. Или небольшая игрушка-отвлекушка. Мультик. Спрятанный секретик. Магический ритуал. Хитрость, как сдержать слёзы в последний момент. Мысль, что если вести себя лучше, такое не повторится.
С пластырем-то можно жить дальше, бежать играть, хвастаться друзьям и взрослым, а кому-то иногда в уголочке по секрету даже показать, что там ужасное под ним. Главное, не снимать и не мочить, чтоб не щипало и не болело снова.
Мы растём и пластыри становятся хитрее и разнообразнее. Телесные, дышащие, бактерицидные, перцовые, от мозолей, разных размеров и форм. (Даже не буду приплетать сюда пластыри от курения и от нежелательной беременности).
В каждой сумочке найдётся что-то из серии:
«Ой, да брось, займись лучше делами!»
«Кажется, тут необходим шоппинг»
«Да не принимай ты это так близко к сердцу!»
«Ох уж эти #проблемыпервогомира!»
«Дорогая, выпей вина»
«Ты просто драматизируешь»
«А я тут недавно читал такую статью крутую…»
И в ход по привычке из детства идут уже взрослые средства: неискренние улыбки, умные слова, пустые разговоры, работа, книжки, еда, алкоголь, эзотерика, соцсети — всё, что может отвлечь, снять острую боль и прикрыть проблему.
Только вот в отличие от аптечных, пластыри с души сами не отваливаются, ничто их там не тревожит и не пачкает. И в жизни уже довольно взрослых нас наступает момент, когда мы напоминаем шарики с куклами LOL, в пластике на три слоя, уже как будто загипсованные. Когда почти ничего живого, радостного, нежного и тёплого не остаётся. Ощущения притупились, чувства не распознать, движения скованы, непонятно, чего хочется и зачем жить дальше.
А под слоями всех этих быстрых самоутешений разве зажило?
Что-то, возможно, от времени и правда успокоилось, но в основном под ними по-прежнему преет то больное, что так хотелось скрыть даже от самих себя. Еле слышно постукивают пульсирующие нарывы, дают знать, что что-то теплится ещё внутри, что хочет увидеть свет, какая-то честность, какое-то творчество, какие-то мечты, мягкая уязвимая плоть, соскучившаяся по обнимашкам, щекотке, родным ладоням, нежности воды, шершавости дерева, дуновениям ветра.
Отрывать эти пластыри, приставшие крепко, как вторая кожа, страшно и больно, даже на мужественный счёт «раз-два-три». А вдруг под ними страшные гнойные раны с чёрными краями? Вдруг в них, свежеоткрытые, снова попадёт то, самое болючее, из детства? Да и как их с души-то оторвёшь?!
Когда Таша боится отдирать пластырь, она говорит: «Подожди, мама, не торопи меня, я сейчас настроюсь, подышу поглубже, мне очень страшно!» И я не спешу. Я знаю, как это. Не каждый пластырь можно оторвать самостоятельно, иногда хочется, чтобы это сделал другой — отвернуться, зажмуриться в ожидании резкого рывка.
Знаете, как болезненную восковую эпиляцию интимных зон трудно проводить дома самостоятельно, но в кабинете косметолога она проходит совсем не так мучительно. Так и душевные пластыри, куда безопаснее постепенно, один за другим снимать у психотерапевта. Там можно бояться, плакать, кричать, злиться, убеждать себя и терапевта, что милее этих пластырей ничего на свете нету, что они и есть я, и всё-таки потихоньку узнавать, что без пластырей жизнь возвращается к совсем другому качеству.
И можно уже не красоваться друг перед другом узорами наших пластырей, а заботиться о заживающих шрамах затейливых форм, наблюдать, как из багрово-синих они начинают бледнеть и выцветать. Говорят, если регулярно прикладывать мумиё, некоторые даже полностью рассасываются. А другие удаётся постепенно принять как часть своего неповторимого ландшафта, не пытаясь замаскировать консилерами, скрыть под длинными рукавами и непрозрачными колготками.
Шрамы эти будут тянуть иногда и поднывать в плохую погоду. Окружающие будут рассуждать о том, украшают ли нас эти шрамы (обычно это в зависимости от пола, мол, мужчин-то украшают, а женщинам-то лучше как-то прятать). Но мы будем знать, что дело тут не в украшательстве. То, как они выглядят вообще не наша забота.
Шрамы эти помнят такое, что не должно повториться, от чего мы можем постараться уберечь своих детей. А когда не убережём, пусть они знают, что рядом есть те, кто готовы разделить их боль, что боль эта временная и неизбежная, что плакать не стыдно, что отвлекаться не обязательно, что защитить себя можно не только пластырями.
Рассказать им о себе. Показать, каково это быть живыми. Напомнить, что пластырь не лечение, а только первая помощь.
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