Привет, хорошие! Как же я ждала этого понедельника. Конечно, итоги стоит проводить в конце года, но, к моей большой радости, я уже замечаю естественные изменения и первые результаты этого Года Важных Вещей. Хочется поделиться ими подробно!
Quality time с Ташей
Этот пункт я всегда писала в списках того, чему я хочу уделить своё внимание, но, признаться честно, уделять внимание нашему с Ташей взаимодействию было сложно. Я переживала расставание с Ташиным папой, радовалась появлению садика и свободного времени, видела Ташу в основном утром (когда надо скорей собираться в садик) и вечером (когда сил на игры и полноценное общение немного). Добавьте к этому выходные, полные моей учёбы и работы, когда Таша с папой и бабушками-дедушками.
В итоге, за исключением нередких, конечно, но скорее внезапных моментов света и счастья от спонтанных объятий и смешных разговоров, я ощущала какую-то вынужденность нашего совместного пребывания. Формально, конечно, я была «достаточно хорошей мамой» (тм), кормила, купала, разговаривала, читала, играла, но чувствовала, что это какой-то не такой период, который когда-то закончится.
И вот, спустя три недели Года Важных Вещей (тм?) я чувствую непреодолимое желание побыть с Ташей, подольше поваляться с утра, пораньше забрать из садика, вообще туда не водить, провести неспешное утро вместе, сесть в машину и поехать по солнечной набережной на дачу. Вместе идти по тропинке, стараясь не наступить на улитку, не смахнуть гусеницу с травинки, заметить шмеля, последнюю пару ягод, залезть в сапогах в воду поглубже, проинспектировать урожай, отыскать кабачки, сорвать и сразу съесть маленькие огурчики в парнике, поискать яблок и слив, потискать кошку Мусю. В моём детстве было очень много этого дачного восторга, когда мне доверяли принести зелени к обеду, вырвать самую большую морковку или когда вместе с родителями я топила печку и сушила грибы.
Вот это переключение от повседневной усталой вынужденности к праздничной добровольности — огромное приобретение этого месяца, которое я напрямую связываю с тем, что постоянно держу свой фокус на важных вещах.
Субъективное восприятие времени
Я посмотрела, о чём пишу последнее время: 2 года тоже, год важных вещей, 8 лет этого, 10 лет там-то, много внимания уделяю подведению итогов прожитых лет. Это не потому, что я так уж привязана к датам, а потому что мне важно отметить и отпраздновать некоторые вехи на пути. У меня особенное восприятие времени, от меня никогда не услышишь: «10 лет прошло, а всё как будто вчера» или «Оглянуться не успела, а уже 30» или «Как быстро время летит». Моё время не летит. Я как-то писала пост о том, как замедлить стремительно летящую жизнь. И, пожалуй, по-прежнему с ним согласна.
Папа как-то рассказал мне об интересном наблюдении за вином. Каждый год весной, когда цветёт виноград, в вине, хранящемся в бочках, происходят неимоверно мощные процессы, по силе вполне сравнимые с этим бурным цветением. И для меня это очень наглядный пример той связи, которая объединяет нас и наше прошлое воедино, с каждым годом усложняя наш вкус, наши оттенки, наше восприятие, добавляет нам, как вину, выдержанности и ценности.
Заживающая коленка
Случился у нас тут разговор с другом, которому тоже недавно сделали операцию:
— Анечка, как твоё выздоровление проходит?
— Знаешь, чудесно! Ноге очень комфортно, почти не хромаю. И всей мне как-то хорошо!
— Так это же здорово, а) Скоро мне начнёт казаться, что хирурги эффективнее психологов)))
— Мм, не знаешь, что бы ещё такого вырезать, чтоб вообще больше к психологам не ходить?
Шутки шутками, а поправление здоровья (в том числе и у психолога, конечно), отчётливо меняет качество жизни.
Спады и подъемы
Библиотека им. М.Ю. Лермонтова пригласила меня экспертом на встречу в Открытую гостиную. Уж не знаю, как они выяснили, что я настоящий эксперт по спадам и подъемам. Наверно, это читается тут в блоге между строк, да? И я целую неделю размышляла о теме «Петербургский сплин: жизнь между спадами и подъемами». Такой ли он петербургский? Нужно ли тащить себе за волосы из любого спада скорее на подъем? Чем вообще плох спад и хорош подъем? Собрала в сумку два десятка книг, которые пришли мне в голову в связи с этой темой, пришла и получила огромное удовольствие от встречи, беседы и атмосферы библиотеки в целом.
А про то, как хандрить и переживать спады напишу в ближайшее время отдельный пост, я за этот год стала настоящим специалистом, серьезно.
Ощущение «как дома»
Впервые я поймала его, когда переходила зимний Невский проспект, несколько лет назад. На мне были потрепанные жизнью угги, длинная плотная юбка, длинное расстегнутое пальто и шарф. И так комфортно было идти, как будто я из комнаты в кухню иду за чаем, а не с одного дела на другое по промерзшему городу.
Сейчас осень только началась, а я уже чувствую отчетливое желание создать себе это самое ощущение тепла, защищенности и расслабленности: тёплым свитером, объемным шарфом, мягкой обувью, горячим чаем в кипкапе, знакомой согревающей душу музыкой, вкуснопахнущим кремом для рук и бальзамом для губ, шерстяными носками и мыслями о том, что бы связать этой осенью.
Пренебрежение цифрами
Я вот заметила, что если где-то я начинаю зависеть от цифры, то это плохой знак. Давно прошли времена, когда моё утро начиналось со вставания на весы, потом ещё и времена, когда я первым делом с утра проверяла гугланалитику, число подписчиков или комментариев в почте. Как и времена, когда я считала количество вещей, от которых я избавилась. В прошлом году я перестала следить за тысячами пройденных за день шагов. Недавно я приучила себя не считать гребки и бассейны, когда плаваю. Стаканы выпитой за день воды. Количество прочитанных книг, написанных постов, людей в команде.
А тут мы с Варей затеяли вебинар. И памятуя, как мы активно собирали людей на вебинар в прошлый раз, обсудили, какое количество нас порадует. Мне хотелось 1000 человек, а получилось всего 777 участников! И нет, ни грамма разочарования, наоборот, это больше, чем в прошлый раз и с меньшими усилиями. Но это Варя мне сказала, я не сравниваю. Важнее оказалось видеть живые блоги, любознательные вопросы, интерес, искреннюю обратную связь. Неизмеримо и бесценно.
А цифры это просто цифры.
Дерзость
Да, вчера мы с Варей провели вебинар для 777 человек с чертовски самоуверенным названием «Чего не хватает твоему блогу?» Раструбили повсюду, что раскрыли секрет, почему одни блоги читают, а другие нет, даже дали подсказку: «слово на букву Д»! И получили десятки крутейших догадок: диалога, друзей, денег, доверия, души, дихлофоса, динозавриков…
А уж на самом вебинаре раскрыли секрет. Поэтому и вам расскажу. Это ДЕРЗОСТЬ. Тот единственный элемент, который делает одни блоги популярными и любимыми, и отсутствие которого сразу ощущается как унылость, скука и желание закрыть страницу.
Да, дерзость ассоциируется с хамством, наглостью, быдлячеством, как сказали нам на вебинаре, хорошие девочки не дерзят. Конечно, а то ж! Я бы сказала «наше общее детство прошло на одних букварях», девочки. И именно поэтому я получаю особенно удовольствие вырастать и становиться женщиной, которую больше никто не воспитывает.
Конечно, мы с Варей не говорили о том, как стать грубыми отталкивающими быдлоблогерами, наоборот, говорили о том, как добавить блогу дерзости, оставаясь собой, не идя с собой на морально-этический компромисс. А что и так можно? Смотрите запись вебинара, нам не жалко!
Такие дела. Кстати, кто уже чувствует, что #годважныхвещей проходит не зря? Не важно, ведёте вы его публично, для себя или просто читаете про важные вещи других. Получается ли замечать нюансы своего настроения, ощущение удовлетворения или наоборот раздражения, принимать новые решения?
У нас ещё почти весь год впереди, конечно, но вдруг!
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