Вот и добрались! Последняя неделя Года Важных Вещей. Итоги буду подводить на следующей, а тут всё по-честному:
Фестивали Упсала-цирка
«Знаю, ты не поверишь, но уж сколько раз я слышала про Упсала-цирк и от тебя, и от других, и читала о них, а до сих пор там не была. Что это за место вообще такое? Там действительно так хорошо?» — сказала мне на днях подруга.
И я принялась рассказывать ей о том, как всё началось, как уличные хулиганы стали уверенными в себе звездами цирка, как на каждом спектакле накрывает до слёз от радости, что это происходит, и щемящей боли от того, что этого всего могло бы в их жизни не быть.
О людях, которые верят в добро так беззаветно и весело, хулиганят и творят красивые неожиданные вещи, находят поддержку строительству шатра, гастролям в Европе и другим своим проектам. Людях, которые умеют праздновать и создавать праздник для всех вокруг!
О пространстве, где есть и настоящий цирковой шатер, и мягкие газоны, и пруд с черными лебедями, и где всегда встречаешь друзей.
И, конечно, о фестивалях, каждый из которых — настоящее событие для сотен семей! Мне так радостно, что и мой фестиваль Simple Day случился когда-то именно в Упсала-цирке.
Но что там рассказывать, приходите лучше в это воскресенье, 2 сентября, и сами всё увидите! В этот раз Упсала-цирк вместе с издательством «Поляндрия» соорудили настоящую «Книжную реальность» — фестиваль до краёв наполненный книжками, сказками, историями, воображаемыми мирами, мечтателями и хулиганами.
Канатоходец-слэклайнер в 50-ти метрах над землёй, прудовый перформанс на сапбордах, совместно создаваемые арт-объекты для всех органов чувств, выступления Упсала-цирка, уличный спектакль «Карусель», музыка, мастерские, велосипеды, еда и куча сюрпризов, без которых эти ребята просто не умеют. Тут подробности!
⠀
Мы с Ташей намерены провести там весь день, с 12 до 18 и будем страшно рады увидеться со всеми друзьями и познакомиться с кем-то новым.
Места силы
Мне кажется, я как-то не так, как принято, трактую это заезженное словосочетание, но для меня места силы, это места, попадая в которые, вступаешь в контакт с собой и своей внутренней силой. И дело тут не столько в месте, сколько в готовности отодвинуть мирские заботы на периферию и углубиться в то, что действительно важно. Это особенно легко сделать на природе, которой до наших мирских забот нет никакого дела, которая происходит совсем без нас, в то же время равнодушно принимает нас, как часть себя.
И дело только в том, насколько мы готовы ощутить себя её частью.
И хорошо, когда есть простор, вода, горы, небо и возможность провести там столько времени, сколько необходимо. И хорошо бы, чтобы людей поменьше.
Одно из таких мест для меня — берег Финского залива, подальше от города. Вчера я бродила там целый день, празднуя этот год и это лето, пустая и счастливая.
Отсутствие сложных отношений
Да, я не могла представить, что к самому концу года важных вещей смогу написать это о себе. Конечно, это просто такой момент и такой период, и наверно, он не продлится долго, но новые сложности меня не пугают.
А вчера я ходила по берегу залива, и ничто, никакой дребезжащий вопрос, никакая фоновая тревога, никакая тянущаяся неопределенность, не омрачали мою жизнь.
Раньше такое было возможно, только если я уговаривала себя не обращать внимания на то, что меня не устраивает, зажимала свою злость или свой страх, отдалялась, или отдалялись от меня. И это не помогало всё.
А теперь психотерапия, открытые конфликты, месяцы молчания, долгие периоды целительного одиночества, долгие часы разговоров, деление ответственности, уважение и стремление услышать друг друга, смелость говорить самую неудобную правду, горевать, прощаться, праздновать.
Конечно, как поёт Джон Прайн: «God only knows the price I pay». Но оно того стоит.
Живое присутствие
Леночка поделилась со мной на днях:
«У меня теперь четкое ощущение, что самое ценное, что можно получить от другого или чем поделиться — это живое присутствие.»
И столько отклика у меня это вызвало. Сразу вспомнился мой магазин «Понарошку», до которого за два года так и не добрались многие мои знакомые. Вспомнились похороны. Случайные встречи. Запланированные встречи. Фразы, сказанные от сердца к сердцу. Сотни литров выпитого вместе чая. Тысячи пройденных километров. Горы вымытой друг у друга в гостях посуды. Сладкие макушки чужих детей, и сколько этих детей перебывало в моих руках. Повисшие паузы. Гостевые диваны. Объятия, чуть дольше формальных. Поездки на машинах, в электричках, поездах.
Слышать и быть услышанным. Видеть и быть увиденным. Приходить и звать. Помогать и принимать помощь.
Объявляться, как есть, и знать, что этого достаточно.
Завершение проектов
Пора празднования, сбор урожая, подведение итогов — увесистое тягучее время. Время оглядываться назад, осмыслять, формулировать, отдыхать и пересобираться, чтобы с этим опытом двинуться дальше.
Радость завершения для меня ощутимо слаще радости начинаний. Возможно, потому что осознанно завершить удается совсем не всё. И уж точно не всё начатое.
Но сейчас эта радость наполняет меня приятной зрелой тяжестью.
Всё то, что не попало
Я рассказывала как-то, что весь этот год вела заметку в телефоне, куда записывала то, что могло бы подойти для года важных вещей, но почему-то не подошло. В ней ещё около 50 пунктов «неизданного», то есть недодуманного, недоформулированного, недозрелого, недоважного. А уж сколько всего ещё осталось незамеченным, незаписанным, недоступным для восприятия, непостижимым.
Не то, что бы оно не важное. И не то, что бы всего этого совсем нет. Наоборот. В этом нашем фрактально устроенном мире, где любая частность при тщательном рассмотрении содержит всю бесконечность сложности, я просто записала достаточно.
Ждите итоговый пост через неделю!
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