Впервые опубликовано в инстаграме @ann_chernykh 10 июля 2019 года. (Там ещё много сэлфи!)
Когда мы переехали в новую квартиру, то около 3 месяцев довольствовались всего одним зеркалом, в моей спальне. И даже как-то не было ощущения, что чего-то не хватает.
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Только вот когда появились зеркала в ванной, на кухне, в коридоре и в Ташиной комнате, я буквально в тот же день ощутила себя в этом доме целиком, полноправнее, смелее, ходила от одного зеркала к другому, с улыбкой встречая простой, но очень важный факт — я здесь есть. И я себя вижу.
Эта неожиданная радость от обретения собственного отражения заставила меня задуматься и о селфи, которых в тот период тоже стало существенно больше.
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Отношение к ним эволюционировало от «ой, это самолюбование вообще не моя тема», через «как бы так научиться красивенько себя фоткать» и «проще самой сфотографироваться на фоне чего-то, чем кого-то просить» к важному элементу фиксирования реальности и самоосознания.
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С красивостью как-то довольно просто было, сделать побольше дублей, застыть с улыбкой рабочей стороной 😂 Привыкнуть, что вот это я. А потом почти перестать оценивать эти портреты с точки зрения красивости-некрасивости. Будто поверить, что то, как я воспринимаю себя изнутри, тождественно тому, что фронтальная камера показывает.
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А вот потом было интереснее. Наверно, тут большую роль играет одиночество. Потребность быть увиденной никто не отменял, а увидеть обычно некому. И от этого порой появляется чувство покинутости и какой-то раздробленности. Но стоит сделать селфи (даже если больше никому его не показывать), как можно себе самой эту увиденность организовать. Свидетельствовать перемены. Фиксировать состояния. Вести некую летопись происходящей жизни вместо того, чтобы сокрушаться, что жизнь эта проходит, а никому и дела нет. Мне есть дело.
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Такая вот грань принятия себя на практике. А уж потом #memorykeeping)
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Уж не знаю, что об этом пишут в новомодных книжках для миллениалов, я за реабилитацию селфи в глазах тех, кто выше этого 😎
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Как у вас с зеркалами и автопортретами? Дружите?
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