Всем индийский привет!
Взгляд сверху
Спасибо за подгон девушке на стойки регистрации нашего рейса. Мы пришли одни из последних, ничего не просили, болтали с Ташкой между собой. Я даже не заглянула в посадочные талоны до самого самолёта. А в самолете оказалось, что у нас места 1E и 1F, у окна в первом ряду, где не упираются колени и можно вытянуть ноги, ходить туда-сюда и не беспокоить никого.
Семь ночных часов мы летели в Даболим, а мне, представьте, совсем не довелось поспать. Зато Таша сладко проспала на мне почти всю дорогу. А я сидела и смотрела в окно, пытаясь угадать, что это там за скопления звезд на небе и на земле. И если созвездия угадываются с высоты 10000 метров без труда, то вот разобрать, что это там на земле светится, всегда сложно и любопытно.
Когда летишь в самолете очень пригождается навык переключения между масштабами. Вроде «никогда не угадаешь, где же он не приземлится», но следишь, чтобы ребёнок слишком не проголодался и не раскапризничался на весь самолет. Вот невероятная высота, с которой видно, как загибается земной шарик, почти не видно всего этого копошения, но так любопытно знать куда и зачем едет в ночи та одинокая машина по дороге-змейке, что там чёрной темнотище, море или степи какие… В этих мыслях я включила один из любимых моих аэростатов «Хвала радио», а там БГ рассказывает:
«Однажды мне довелось совершенно случайно зайти в Петропавловскую крепость; а там на лужайке стоял вертолет, поднимавший всех желающих над городом; естественно, ни один уважающий себя человек не может отказать себе в ничем не мотивированной вертолетной прогулке.
И надо сказать — действительно она того стоила — по самой неожиданной причине.
Не успел я взмыть над городом на приличную высоту, как вся тяжелая имперская мистика Санкт-Петербурга куда-то исчезла. Я увидел под собой облезлый и провинциальный городок, хрупкий и нелепый до трогательности. С земли он казался судьбоносным; но стоило подняться над ним на сотню метров и выйти из гоголевско-достоевской ноосферы, как он становился виден, как он есть — горстка нелепых облупленных строений, в которых протекает вся наша жизнь.
Вся патетика куда-то исчезла. И захотелось этот город, как мокрого и грязного котенка, почистить, накормить и согреть.»
На вертолете над Петербургом я тоже летала. И не разделила бы этого высокомерного взгляда. Наоборот, восхитительно, как красив и узнаваем город с воздуха.
Кстати!
Аэростаты БГ
Уж сколько хвалебных постов я им писала. Больше всего наслаждаюсь ими именно в долгих перелётах, проваливаясь в сон и вываливаясь обратно под нежный серебристый голос Борис Борисыча.
Позволить всему происходить
При всей моей любви к Индии, первые дни для меня чаще всего паршивые. Но как-то раньше мне казалось, что нужно непременно наслаждаться, прям вот сойти с трапа самолета и с ума сойти от счастья, а когда это не удавалось, значит это со мной что-то не так. За последние годы я стала к себе добрее, к тому же в этот раз у меня не было компании, ожидающей от меня непременного восхищения всем происходящим. Зато была Таша, которой местами тоже непросто принять новое.
Оказалось важно побыть со всем с этим: жуткой пылью на дорогах, «hello, where are you from, what is your name, come see my shop», борзыми русскими, муравьями, нападающими на фрукты, проблемами с животом, палящим солнцем, вездесущим песком, совсем не той едой, которую заказывала, миллионом Ташиных вопросов и страхов.
И через пару дней светлеет изнутри.
Здесь и сейчас
Когда я последний раз рассказывала про один свой опыт переживания настоящего момента, Леночка сказала, что это похоже на описание наркотического трипа. У некоторых вообще складывается ощущение, что я вечно под кайфом, но кроме одного амстердамского косяка, наркотиков в моей жизни пока не было. Как говорил профессор, с которым я работала: «Anna is just naturally high».
В общем, 6 лет назад дело было так. Проснувшись, заметила просунутую в решётку на окне нашей комнаты потрёпанную книжку «Сила настоящего». Моя подруга Маша почувствовала правильный момент! Я до этого безуспешно пробовала её читать, а в этот раз оказалось как-то вовремя.
Читала тогда Экхарта целый день, жуть как вдохновилась, решила во что бы то ни стало попрактиковать качественный пролонгированный здесь-и-сейчас. Вот прям с рассвета! Завела будильник, оделась, сунула в карман немного денег, поцеловала спящего Сержа, оставила телефон и побрела к морю.
Всего-то делов было: не думать о прошлом и будущем, не строить планов, прислушиваться к ощущениям, а если возникают мысли, наблюдать и отпускать. Не делать ничего на автомате.
Выйдя на улицу я начала прислушиваться к каждому шагу, хочется ли сделать следующий? Тело фантастически ловко переносило вес с одной ноги на другую, ступни приятно перекатывались об землю с пятки на носок и отталкивались для следующего шага, шероховатость пыльной красной тропинки постепенно сменялась мягкой рыхлостью песка, принося невероятное наслаждение до самой макушки.
Пляж тем утром был магическим местом. Каждый проходящий приветствовал меня светлым улыбчивым намасте или просто желал доброго утра. Я почувствовала, что хочу сесть на песок. Несколько прозрачных крабиков попрятались в норки. Я буквально отвечала на ласки утреннего солнца, будто оно гладило меня, как котенка. А потом увидела песок и не смогла оторваться, наверно, около получаса от его великолепия: подносила близко к глазам, рассматривая цветные песчинки, осколки ракушек, наблюдая, как он движется, струится, блестит. Потом отвлеклась на утреннюю йогу тонкой бритой налысо девушки, восхищалась её красотой и совершенством движений, последовала за импульсом и стала тоже делать что-то интуитивно-йогическое.
А потом меня поманила вода. И её было СТОЛЬКО! Целый бескрайний океан воды прямо у моих ног. Я встала к кромке воды и неотрывно смотрела, как вода накатывает и отступает, как мои ноги совершенно ей безразличны. Как особенна каждая волна. У меня перехватывало дыхание от восторга, неужели всё это всегда было вот так, на расстоянии вытянутой руки, а я и не замечала будто.
Чуть позже я почувствовала, что проголодалась и пошла в любимый Magic Park. Мы бывали там почти каждый день, но именно в этот раз я долго вдумчиво объясняла пареньку что именно я хочу, устраивалась на диванчике, всё время находя всё более и более удобное положение. Почувствовала рядом чьё-то дыхание, поворачиваюсь — рыжая корова, зашла за калитку и трётся около меня. Её, конечно, быстро вернули восвояси, а я так смеялась. Бросила взгляд на пальму, а там белочка (единственный раз, когда я видела в Индии белок в принципе), спустилась прям ко мне и смотрит любопытно. А в метре от нас в песок упал кокос. Впервые так близко.
В общем, несколько часов я фактически не выпадала из здесь-и-сейчас, даже на минуту, все чувства обострились, мир предстал невероятно дружелюбным, любопытным, красивым до безумия, впитывала, смеялась, восхищалась, двигалась, прислушиваясь к тем сиюминутным импульсам, которые по большей части остаются незамеченными в повседневности.
Что было дальше?
Я вернулась домой и почти сразу ощутила сильнейший озноб, такой, что всей нашей зимней одежды и одеял в нашем гестхаусе не хватило, чтобы меня согреть. Серж ходил рядом в трусах и недоумевал, жара же. У нас не было термометра, но с уверенностью могу сказать, что сильнее температуры у меня никогда не бывало. Потом последовали приступы жара, рвота, понос, дичайшая слабость и снова озноб. Дня три меня не отпускало.
И это было для меня мощным уроком о том, что к любой практике стоит подходить постепенно и дозированно. Что Экхарт, конечно, крут, но наше сознание всё-таки делает огромную работу, размазывая этот здесь-и-сейчас между прошлым и будущим и не давая разом всей полноты осознавания прекрасности настоящего момента. Порвёт же.
С тех пор я стала осторожнее к практикам, но внимательнее к себе. А сейчас, в поездке с Ташей поняла, как часто и легко, на самом деле, переключаюсь в этот самый здесь-и-сейчас. Глядя на воду, играя с волнами в догонялки, чувствуя солнце на кончике носа, надкусывая сочный кусочек ананаса, ловя вдруг Ташкин нежный поцелуй, подняв руки-крылья на ветру, сидя на мотоцикле за спиной улыбающегося индуса. Больше не нужно выделять для этого какой-то отдельный кусок времени и думать, что практикую что-то особенное.
Думаю, именно ценность таких повседневных переживаний и вдохновила меня на этот Год Важных Вещей.
Не открывать ноутбук
5 дней! Ни разу в жизни моего макбука не было у нас такого долгого расставания.
Возвращаться в старые места
Вроде совсем немного времени во время поездок в Индию я проводила в Арамболе. Но Арамболь и Гокарна (в которую мы в этот раз не доедем, хотя там Вера Полозкова сейчас) такие родные, на ощупь знакомые, так мало что меняется за годы.
Сегодня вот меня окликнул непалец, в лавочке у которого я 7 лет назад покупала оптом яркие валяные смешные штуки для своего детского магазина. 3 года назад, когда мы приезжали семьёй он нас тоже узнал, а сейчас я была одна. Он был так рад, обнял меня, усадил как обычно на стульчик, угостил масала чаем и посетовал, что бизнес никудышный в этом сезоне. Русских много, но не шопятся, говорит.
А я сижу, смотрю на него, и прям дома себя чувствую.
Когда ребёнок любит то же, что и я
Арбузы, мотоциклы и долгие прогулки босиком по кромке воды — тут Таша всегда составит мне компанию. Байк мы не брали, интуиция моя говорит, что не стоит. И коленки поднывают ей вслед.
Но стоило нам с Ташей однажды прокатиться на мототакси, как всё, с тех пор это самое долгожданное событие дня. То и дело придумывает нам дела и предлоги для очередной поездки. А я что, я только рада. За спиной у крепкого индуса ездить очень спокойно.
Закаты в море
Тут и так всё понятно. Мне отсюда, с Земли, кажется, что солнце было придумано именно для того, чтобы тонуть в морях и океанах каждый вечер на изумление всем, кто собрался на это поглядеть.
Как ваше настроение там? Практикуете бытие в настоящем?
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