Привет! Давайте сегодня без прелюдии.
Вязание
Прошлой и позапрошлой осенью вязание накрывало меня так, что судьба блога была в опасности. Ещё за год на этого я вспомнила о своей невероятной тяге к вязанию на фестивале, когда повязала немного бесконечного шарфа. Тогда я вязала взахлёб, каждую свободную минуту: снуды, варежки, чехлы на подушки, шарфы для бездомных. Было не остановиться — только и говорила бесконечное: «Сейчас, сейчас, ещё один ряд».
В этом году вязания немного. Довязала Ташке шарф, а больше ничего практичного не хочется. Думаю про большущий плед, чтоб всю зиму вязать одну и ту же вещь.
Леночка в своём канале Вычитала выложила как-то кусок из книжки Карла Оноре «Без суеты»:
Сорокалетняя писательница из Лос-Анджелеса Бернадетт Мерфи отразила новые веяния в книге «Дзен и искусство вязания» (Zen and the Art of Knitting, 2002). Возвращение к пряже и спицам она считает проявлением общей реакции на бессмыслицу современной жизни. «Наша культура испытывает острую тоску по смыслу, по вещам, соединяющим человека с миром и людьми, по вещам, греющим душу, — рассуждает писательница. — Вязание выделяет время на то, чтобы наслаждаться жизнью, находить в ней смысл, устанавливать эти связи».
Мне симпатично и название (отсылающее сразу к двум моим любимым дзенским книгам: Дзен в искусстве написания книг и Дзен и искусство ухода за мотоциклом), и вот этот смысл вязания, установление связей, создание с помощью нитки и двух палочек сложных взаимосвязей, переплетение которых напоминает переплетение всего остального в жизни. Да, для меня не так уж важно, что получится, я не сильно люблю вязать по схемам какие-то замысловатые узоры, да и вообще заканчивать, процесс сам по себе прекрасен.
А ещё во время вязания мне всегда приходят отличные идеи. И уходят, потому что я не могу оторваться, чтобы их записать.
Вишлист
Лет 10 назад я наткнулась на жж девушки, которая обожала вишлисты и популярно объясняла, как создать по-настоящему крутой вишлист. У неё были посты о вишлистах для хобби, для дома, для впечатлений, для действительно огромных желаний, и к каждому посту в качестве примера её личный вишлист на тему. Она была конкретной донельзя, в деталях описывала каждый пункт, давала ссылки, уточняла цвета и размеры, отмечала, если нужно выбирать вместе с ней. (Я бы дала ссылку, но, к сожалению, тот жж, кажется, безвозвратно удалён.)
Помню, как меня вдохновил такой подход. Он позволял удерживать фокус на том, чего мне на самом деле хочется. Постоянно мечтать, возвращаться мыслями к себе, радостях для себя, к заботе о своём благополучии.
С тех пор я внимательно отношусь к своему вишлисту. Веду его в эверноут-заметке, иногда добавляю что-то, удаляю сбывшееся. Конечно, сейчас в нём намного меньше пунктов, чем 10 лет назад — меньше вещей, больше заботы о здоровье, о новом опыте.
А перед днём рождения обязательно кто-то спросит, что подарить. Тогда я копирую из него те пункты, которыми могу поделиться (да, там есть и очень интимное), и отправляю друзьям. В этом году список совсем не большой и много там простых вещей, которые я запросто могу купить себе сама, но настолько отвыкла от шопинга, что буду счастлива, если кто-то возьмёт это на себя.
Чугунная печечка Crescent
Стоит на кухонном подоконнике и как будто соединяет простой быт и повседневность нашей питерской квартиры со скандинавским нарисованным миром Петсона и Финдуса. На этой кухоньке управляет Мюкла в передничке, а Таша ей помогает готовить понарошковый суп в казане, жарить оладушки на крошечной скороводочке и подбрасывать дровишки.
Я купила эту печку в финском кирпутории, когда Ташки не было даже в планах, конечно, для себя. Она стояла в кабинете моего магазина, наш арендодатель Раиль не раз предлагал мне за неё огромные деньги, но я была непреклонна, и она до сих пор привлекает внимание всех наших гостей.
Насколько я знаю, такие старинные чугунные печки Crescent стали производить в 1840 году в США, после Второй Мировой производство остановили, их заменили жестяные и пластиковые варианты, но в 1950-е годы в Пенсильвании возобновили производство по старым образцам, только стали красить в чёрный. До сих пор не знаю, то ли у меня реплика, то ли она, правда, откуда-то из 19 века. Но настроение от неё самое настоящее!
Право на беспорядок
Вот есть люди, которые любят порядок, чтобы всё на своих местах, чистенькое, аккуратное, есть те, кто скорее за творческий кавардак, копящиеся стопки книжек, артистично разбросанные носки… А я поняла недавно, что когда никто на меня не давит, не вздыхает, не закатывает глаза и не пытается составить обо мне впечатление по тому, как выглядит мой дом, я люблю оба состояния. Люблю, когда вещи в кучу и утром легко вытащить за штанину джинсы, которые хочется надеть сегодня, когда детские вещи берёшь с сушилки целую неделю, не убирая в ящик, люблю загроможденную грязной посудой кухню, пол гостиной, покрытый детскими игрушками. Для меня в этом столько жизни!
А потом я люблю создать контраст. Когда за час-другой квартира превращается в минималистичную, просторную, благоухающую свежестью и пустотой. Ходишь по ней и жалеешь, что не сделала фотки «до и после», такой впечатляющий это контраст.
Но хотела бы я всегда жить в порядке (например, при условии, что его регулярно наводит кто-то другой)? Нет, точно нет.
Нерегулярность
Это похоже на предыдущий пункт, но распространяется шире, на всю мою жизнь. Приходится признать, что есть вещи, которые не меняются с возрастом. Стоит мне дать себе обещание какой-то регулярности, постараться завести какую-то привычку, расписать планы, как я чувствую, что нет большего наслаждения, чем от этого плана отступить, обещание нарушить, а без привычки обойтись. Такая уж натура бунтарская. И даже понятно, как я такой сформировалась, непонятно только, как теперь с этим жить, если все со всех сторон только и говорят, что о важности, рутин, привычек, регулярности и маленьких шагов.
Мне кажется, сколько я себя помню, я ругала себя за невозможность соблюдать всякие необходимые повторяющиеся процедуры, от утренней зарядки до приёма витаминов, от изучения немецкого до размягчения кутикулы.
Легко ли мне с этим? Вообще нет. Особенно раньше, когда это создавало порочный круг из вины, стыда, новых обещаний, их нарушения и снова вины.
Но что-то нащупалось в последнее время. Что-то из серии «если у вас восьмой блин комом, к чёрту блины, пеките комочки». Раз так бесит всё регулярное, почему бы не отказаться от идеи регулярности в принципе? Не принимать решение на полгода или всю жизнь, а только за сегодня.
Нет, я не обязуюсь всю жизнь делать зарядку, но сегодня так приятно потянуться и размяться. Нет, я не сажусь на диету и не перехожу на сыроедение, просто сейчас меня порадуют свежие овощи. Нет, я собираюсь вести дневник каждый вечер в красивой тетрадке, я просто прямо сейчас запишу то, что хочется записать. Нет, никаких ежевечерних бьюти-процедур, только сегодня будет ванна с морской солью, кондиционер, маска, крем, масло и что-нибудь ещё приятное, а завтра поглядим, чего захочется. Нет, я не принимаю решение посещать учёбу регулярно или бросить её вовсе, просто на следующее занятие могу сходить, а могу прогулять.
Занятное для меня исключение — еженедельные проекты 365thingsless и этот Год Важных Вещей. Не понимаю, почему дух противоречия на них не распространяется.
Скайп-консультации
Заварить чая, найти наушники, открыть необходимые вкладки, подготовить листы, на которых рисовать, причесаться и с чуть заметным волнением нажать на кнопку вызова, чтобы в очередной раз убедиться, что будущее наступило и связывает нас, сидящих в Питере, Москве, Таллинне, Варанаси, Бонне, Киеве и других местах, каждый в своём доме и одновременно друг перед другом. Для меня это совершенно особенный формат встреч и отношений.
Мы говорим про создание блога, продвижение, стратегии развития проекта, писательство, расхламление или поиск места для важного — знакомясь и завязывая отношения с каждым клиентом, я не перестаю удивляться, как легко, несмотря на расстояния, это удаётся: слышать друг друга, смеяться шуткам, чувствовать подступающие слёзы, открываться. Как многое меняет это виртуальное присутствие рядом. Каждый раз несмотря на чай, подготовленные материалы, наушники и причесанность, я чувствую, что прихожу совершенно пустой, тихой, готовой воспринимать, реагировать, откликаться. И нажав кнопку конца вызова, ещё сижу какое-то время в настроении «Мы трансляторы, чем мы чище, тем слышнее господень смех».
Питерское ноябрьское солнце и счастливые билетики
Ну что тут скажешь?! Просто хорошо.
У вас там солнце показывают? Вязать успеваете? Ну и самое главное, скажите мне, что я не одна люблю бардак и не люблю ничего регулярного, а?
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