Хо-хо, привет, родные! Проект только неделю как начался, и так здорово, что многие подхватили его прям с первой недели, и в блогах, и в соцсетях (смотрите по хэштегу #годважныхвещей). Меня даже несколько раз спросили: «Как присоединиться к челленджу?» — так что я решила подробнее рассказать о том, как я себе представляю этот Год Важных Вещей.
Разумеется, я была бы не я, если бы первым делом не обозначила главное: никто никому ничего не должен.
— Можно присоединяться, а можно нет.
— Можно писать публично, а можно в дневничок, вовсе необязательно писать каждую неделю, если не пишется. Даже если вы всего однажды решите поделиться случайным набором важных для вас вещей, будет здорово.
— Если вы хотите найти единомышленников (и чтобы единомышленники нашли вас), ставьте хэштег #годважныхвещей или присылайте ссылки на ваши посты сюда в комментарии.
— Рассказывать о своём важном можно в любом удобном формате: необязательно в понедельник, необязательно по 7 штук, необязательно регулярно. Ну где вы ещё такой челлендж найдёте? :))))
А теперь мои 7 вещей этой недели:
Отказ от работ, которые гасят
Мне, конечно, нужны деньги. И иногда я даже читаю тексты моих дисциплинированных друзей про работу, которая не всё, работу, без которой не обойтись, и всякое такое, вдохновляюсь и думаю, что, пожалуй, тоже справлюсь. Берусь за достаточно хорошую работу, берусь с энтузиазмом и любопытством, вникаю в тему, стараюсь, но спустя очень короткое время (раньше на это уходили месяцы и годы, сейчас хватает недели или даже просто хорошо подумать перед стартом) чувствую, что всё, жизненная сила уходит. А что я вообще без жизненной силы?!
Мне всегда было стыдно за то, что я многое бросаю, едва начав. Я винила себя за отсутствие дисциплины, терпения, силы воли или достаточно глубокого интереса. Думала, что сдаюсь перед первыми трудностями. Меня упрекали за это родственники, преподаватели и работодатели. Так обычно начинаются рассказы о сканерах, да?
Нет, к сканерам я себя тоже не причисляю. Но с опытом я начала замечать, что отказ от дела, которое лишает силы, даёт энергии вдвойне, освобождаются силы на самое своё, то к чему не надо себя дисциплинировать и принуждать. На этой неделе вспомнила это чувство. Дважды.
Место, где моему ребёнку хорошо
Таша вернулась с моря и с удовольствием отправилась в Домик, Домик Матушки Гусыни, куда она с удовольствием ходит уже целый год. Я счастлива, что наш долгий поиск подходящего садика привёл нас в Домик. Не могу представить более уютное и тёплое место для моей нежной крошки. В центре города, в доме с тихим двором, в большой интересной квартире, с удобным графиком, но самое главное — это люди!
Стася, которая всё это придумала и развивает уже много лет, чьи педагогические ценности нас с Сержом и убедили. Наташа, весёлая и смешная, чьи интонации я узнаю в Ташиных шутках, да ещё и логопед. Оля и её добрая улыбка, от которой сразу становится тепло на душе, её творческие занятия. Тоня, благодаря которой детишки полюбили йогу, только недавно придумала и создала классную Йога Игру. Марина, которая соглашается остаться с Ташей подольше, если у меня вечерние дела. Лея, которая творит с ребятами чистой воды волшебство.
Меня с самого начала подкупил Стасин подход к детям. Мы вместе продумали план адаптации моей домашней ручной Таши к садику: буквально за две недели Таша стала легко оставаться на полный день, даже, когда не всё было гладко, и я, и Таша получали огромную поддержку от Стаси. Кроме того благодаря подробной анкете мы с Сержом смогли зафиксировать все моменты, которые важны для нас. Очень ценно было говорить об этом не в суматохе коридора, поверх детских голов, а вдумчиво расписать ситуацию с едой, горшком, играми и всем остальным.
Мне очень по душе правило — не говорить о детях при детях. Никакого вот этого садикового: «Ну, как моя?», когда воспитатели перед уходом начинают: «Ну, кушала плохо сегодня, баловалась, в тихий час не спала». Обо всём этом можно попереписываться вконтакте или поговорить наедине.
Ну и игры, конечно! Игра в основе всего! Никакого опережающего развития, но постоянное разнообразное взаимодействие детей разных возрастов, микс из художественных и научных занятий, театра, йоги, развития речи, пикников в парках и многого другого. Обожаю Ташины поделки, никогда не слишком аккуратные и красивые, живые, растрепущие, самостоятельные!
В общем, если что, очень рекомендую! Домик Матушки Гусыни находится на Невском, 158, но есть ещё Домик Тыквы, который на днях откроется на Маяковского, 18. Пишите Стасе со всеми вопросами, будет здорово, если у Таши появятся новые друзья среди детей моих читателей!
Нормальные отношения с мужем после расставания
Вот уже почти год, как мы не живём вместе, но постоянно общаемся. Серж проводит с Ташей почти столько же времени, сколько раньше. Кроме формальных разговоров, передачи ребёнка и язвительных замечаний (ну как без них?!), иногда удаётся делиться открытиями о себе и друг о друге, чувствами, важными книгами, проводить время вместе с Ташкой или обедать за глубокими разговорами. В субботу вот провели целый день все вместе, на книжной распродаже, лекции Димы Зицера, а потом на фестивале Части Света.
Не буду говорить, что это всегда легко даётся или, там, что наши отношения стали даже лучше, чем были, но тот факт, что нам удалось сохранить дружбу и интерес к жизни друг друга, меня радует. И то, что как бы не складывались наши отношения, у Таши есть полноценный папа, тоже.
Ценности, которые транслирует Дима Зицер
Если вы любите Диму Зицера так, как люблю его я, смотрели с ним все видео на ютьюбе (и плакали украдкой), ходили на его выступления, читаете его статьи, а то и вовсе ваши дети ходят в «Апельсин», то вы, наверно, знаете, что Дима всегда говорит об одном и том же.
О родительских галлюцинациях, о том, чтобы прислушиваться к своим ощущениям в теле и вообще больше обращать внимание на себя и свою жизнь, а не ребёнка контролировать, о том, что мороженое можно, и без шапки можно, и компьютеры-планшеты, и вообще можно всё, кроме насилия.
А когда очередная мама начинает жаловаться на ребёнка и спрашивать, как его заставить то и это, Дима обычно сначала с ехидной улыбкой спросит: «Не пойму, ты прикалываешься?», — а потом на полном серьёзе уточнит — «Мы сейчас про твоего любимого человека говорим?»
«Женщины, которые любят слишком сильно»
Закончила очередную книгу, которая не выходит у меня из головы — «Женщины, которые любят слишком сильно». «Слишком сильная любовь» — болезнь, представляете? Зависимость от отношений в одном ряду с алкоголизмом и наркоманией — прекрасно, я считаю. Это о женщинах, которые не могут не страдать, находят себе в партнеры бездельников, алкоголиков, агрессоров, кого-то, кто не хочет нести ответственность за свою жизнь, кого они будут стремиться изменить силой своей любви, в кого будут вкладывать все силы в надежде на волшебное превращение.
Партнеры в таких отношениях поддерживают зависимости друг друга, поэтому и лечиться должны параллельно, хотя со стороны и выглядит, будто он козёл, а она благодетельная и сердобольная дама. Слишком сильная любовь это не про любовь, а про разного рода контроль, манипулирование и поиск своего счастья в изменении другого. Корни этого явления, разумеется, лежат в детстве, но во взрослом возрасте можно с этим справиться.
Кого тянет на плохих парней, кому хорошие и спокойные кажутся слишком скучными, очень рекомендую почитать. Даже если это не совсем ваша болезнь, как, скажем, и не совсем моя, есть кое-какие узнаваемые и даже социально одобряемые черты этой напасти во многих из нас, которые счастья в жизни и отношениях не добавляют.
Сон в одиночестве
С самого Ташиного рождения я была за совместный сон. Спокойный и долгий, без вставаний, с тёплыми обнимашками. Мне говорили, что к 3,5 годам ребёнок сам захочет отдельности и переселится в свою кровать. Ха-ха. В общем, я честно подождала до 4 и поставила Ташу перед фактом.
Спать в одиночестве, глубоко, по-взрослому, укутываясь в одеяло, не боясь никого задеть или раскрыть — ни с чем не сравнимое блаженство.
Тамблер KeepCup
Вещь, без которой я не выхожу из дома. И дело не только в том, что это экологично и экономит, наверно, по 300-400 бумажных стаканчиков в год. И не в том, что всегда можно поддержать разговор с бариста. И даже не в том, что они такие красивые и разноцветные. Просто я очень люблю пить на ходу, идти не спеша, греть руки о тёплый стакан, он создаёт ощущение «везде как дома».
Я с первого курса завела такую привычку, перепробовала кучу всего, от стальных походных кружек до навороченных термосов, но последние годы верна кипкапам. Они почти невесомые, идеального размера, не расплёскиваются, родом из Австралии, в общем, настоящий lovemark. Этим летом я подарила кипкап и Таше, думала, просто чтоб какао покупать не в бумажные стаканчики, а она его так полюбила. Кстати, мы пьём из них не только чай, кофе и какао, но и простую воду. А недавно катались с подругой на лодке и распивали из разноцветных стаканчиков гранатовое вино. Ну и для глинтвейна осенью он чудо как хорош :)
Как ваша неделя? Если вы где-то пишете о своих важных вещах, присылайте сюда ссылки на ваши посты, чертовски любопытно насколько по-разному мы понимаем важное, как многое оказывается созвучным, думаю, за год мы многое узнаем о себе и тех, кто рядом!
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