Несколько лет назад в моём кругу было много разговоров о поддержке. О том, что «всё будет хорошо», «держись», «а зато…», «бывает и похуже» — так себе поддержка.
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Туда же мем: «Если вы плачете, а человек советует вам не париться из-за ерунды и не накручивать себя, по степени близости это примерно таксист».
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И тут я столкнулась с примерами поддержки, которая мне бы не зашла. И не потому, что она «таксистская», нет, вполне психологичная поддержка. Только совершенно не к тому месту, которое в ней нуждается.
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Я вижу три принципиально разных поддержки:
🙌🏻 Поддержка в бытии: «ты важна», «я всегда рядом», «обнимаю», «с тобой всё нормально», «я на твоей стороне», «ты имеешь значение».
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🙌🏻 Поддержка в чувствах: «вот дерьмо», «как же тяжело и запутано», «представляю, как ты злишься», «мне жаль», «ликую с тобой» и т.д.
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🙌🏻 Поддержка в действии: «расскажи побольше о том, что именно ты планируешь», «если что, могу дать контакт такого-то специалиста», «жду не дождусь, когда смогу подарить твою книгу своим друзьям»…
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Если бытие и чувства довольно универсальны, то что до действий, тут всё индивидуально. Я, например, ценю, когда человек готов полезть со мной в самое «мясо». Когда друг наизусть помнит слои «пирога» пола, который я собираюсь класть, и делится соображениями. Когда мы сидим с подругой в админке сайта и показываем друг другу нюансы. Когда слушаю 15минутный войс о чужом непростом творческом процессе и точно знаю, что не одна я так серьёзно всё это переживаю.
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Скажем, я страдаю от того, что никак не допишу текст о радикальной честности, а мне говорят: «Знаешь, я люблю тебя не за тексты!» или «Ты, кажется, устала, полежи». По сути, это поддержка в бытии, но если я действительно хочу написать текст, я восприму эту поддержку как «мне нет дела до того, что важно для тебя», почувствую себя одиноко и захочу отдалиться. И наоборот, если мне сейчас в целом неуютно в мире, хочется обняться и поплакать, а мне предлагают полезть вместе в детали, я почувствую принуждение.
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И ладно другие, сказали и сказали. Но как же важно знать себя, чтобы не подсовывать самим себе не ту поддержку, которая нам сейчас подходит.
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Знакомо? Вы в какой поддержке чаще нуждаетесь?
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